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Sunday, October 24, 2010

WR2. Annex 1-2-3. COMPLAINT LETTER.

Annex 1. LETTER’S ASSESSMENT.
WR 2.1. Assessment on a complaint: Catalogue shopping


Task fulfilment:
Text structure: appropriateness
Language: degree of activation of expressions throughout the composition and
control of mistakes
Mechanics: Layout , Punctuation and spelling


Task: good development of task

Text structure: appropriate (besides the formality of Dear.. + Faithfully).
Dear Sir or Madam, (ends with)> Faithfully
if we write… “Dear Ms Robinson (ends with)> Sincerely”,
Fair use of connectors (besides ‘so’). But twice the reader couldn’t understand the message:
for the first payment as I was told (??). >> by whom, what about??
we should try to avoid taking unnecessary risks (we ??).

Language: Good activation of expressions throughout the composition,
.....but 5 items of Vocabulary were wrong.
Some parts had problems with grammar:
Adv>adj / N + prep:Appointment with / which I took [it] / [a] 20-day trial
prepositions: on the TV / on the market
Syntax: home exercising equipment / suggested by the mass) media /
if you [could refund] (would settle me back) the money
1) The noun installment has 4 meanings, here we are interested in the first one:
#1: a payment of part of a debt; usually paid at regular intervals
2) Unfortunatel(l)y > the actual spelling being ‘unfortunately’.
See related Woody Allen’s quote: “I believe there is something out there watching us.
Unfortunately, it's the government.”
3) the media saying & the product standard > other phrases we would suggest instead:
3.1. media coverage/illicitous publicity &
3.2. ‘standardised produce’ or ‘the standard of the product’

Mechanics: Layout: very neat and tidy.
Punctuation: some deviation form rules (commas –Twice), Split sentence (parag. 2):No sooner..
Spelling: ComplainT - Fortunately - recomMend - apPropriate





Annex 2
WR 2.2. Process of editing a complaint: Catalogue shopping

A COMPLAIN LETTER on my health machine

Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing in response to the incorrect contents I have found in HealthMax Stepper/Climber HP, the product I bought in your store three weeks ago and about which I would like to comment on.
First of all, I must say I bought your product because it was often suggested by the mass media, specially by the TV, as the best exercising house equipment in the market with a consistently high standard of packing. Due to this reasonable statement, which I took it for granted, I frankly believed that buying the HealthMax could be a wise healthy investment although I had to get out quite a big amount of money from my current account for the first payment as I was told.
Unfortunatelly, neither the media saying nor the product standard were totally true so no sooner had I installed the fitness machine than I realised some of its pressed body-building functions didn't work. Furthermore, after 20-day trial more inconveniences appeared such as the electronic workout monitor had suddenly no signal.
Having said that and as you can imagine, I am a complete desillusioned and bitterly disappointed customer. However, I would apreciate if you would settle me back the whole money as soon as possible or send me and deliver at home a new HealthMax completely free of charge. I would also strongly recomend doing one of these two actions otherwise I will have to make an appointment to the Complain Customer Agent (CCA) as you can perfectly understand. In a word, we should try to avoid taking unnecessary risks.
I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
NN


Annex 3.
EDITION STAGE: A Complaint letter (or ‘I won’t let them rip me off’)

Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing in response to the incorrect contents I have found in HealthMax Stepper/Climber HP, the product I bought in your store three weeks ago and [on] about which I would like to comment on.
First of all, I must say I bought your product because it was often [advertised/broadcast in] ( [5- as you will see. No] sooner had I installed the fitness machine than I realised [that] some of its pressed body-building functions didn't work. Furthermore, after [a] 20-day trial more inconveniences appeared [,] such as the electronic workout monitor [when suddenly had] (had suddenly) no signal.
Having said that and as you can imagine, I am a complete[ly] desillusioned and bitterly disappointed customer. However, I would ap[p]reciate if you [could refund] (would settle me back) the whole [amount/sum of] money as soon as possible or send me and deliver at home a[nother] [brand] new HealthMax completely free of charge. I would also strongly recom[m]end doing one of these two actions otherwise I will have to make an appointment [with] to the Customer Complaint Agency/Agent Complain Customer Agent (CCA) as you can perfectly understand. In a word, we should try to avoid taking unnecessary risks (we ??).
I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.
Faithfully (5-Sincerely),




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